The Aftermath
by fangirl1982
Summary: Post Against the Wall PtII. Usual Jack/Gabby angst/raunch/romance. Don't own anything, have no affiliation to All Saints whatsoever.
1. Chapter 1

"Karen, there's someone at the door, I'll just be a sec." Jack Quade padded barefoot to the door of his home he shared with his colleague Dan Goldman, wearing only a white towel wrapped around his hips.

He opened the door and was surprised to see another colleague of his, Gabrielle Jaeger. And she was carrying a carton of beer. "Uh, a mate's just dropped over, I have to go," he said to his counsellor. "Gabrielle Jaeger. Yeah, _that_ Gabrielle. But she has alcohol so I'll forget that. OK, I'll see you Wednesday… bye." He hit the _end_ button on the phone and faced to look at Gabrielle. "You couldn't find any better company than me?" Jack asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Steve's gone to a meeting and besides, I was in the mood for getting drunk," she admitted. "Who was that and why does she know me?"

"That was my counsellor, and she knows most of my colleagues – she especially knows you because you were such a cow over the Rachel thing."

Gabrielle looked indignant. "_I_ was a cow? You were the one who humiliated her into quitting!" She couldn't help but notice how well-built Jack was – you couldn't really tell under the sleeved shirts he liked to wear because he was so tall and slim, but he was quite muscular. Certainly prettier to look at than Steve, who didn't do much in the way of exercise and who continued to carry around a well-earned beer gut.

Jack grinned at her. He couldn't resist stirring her up – besides, he had a definite clothed advantage over her, he figured he was entitled to unsettle her just a bit. "For what it's worth, I felt pretty bad about Rachel. I talked about it a lot so your name came up a few times."

They eyed each other off for a few more seconds, then Jack said, "Look, make yourself at home, but I need to get dressed."

"Have you been in a towel this whole time?" she asked a minute later. For some reason she hadn't bothered to sit down, instead, standing outside Jack's room, talking to him through the door. By 'this whole time' she meant the six hours since they'd all been dismissed and the ED had been shut down for the day.

It had been a hairy experience for them all – Jack being knocked out by a bomb blast and nearly being killed, the rest of the ED help at gunpoint… she shivered as she remembered. She had honestly thought she was going to die.

Afterwards, she had wanted to spend time with her ex-boyfriend Steve, but Steve had opted to go to a meeting instead – said he was so wound up, if he didn't consult with his sponsor, he'd hit the bottle. Gabrielle understood and respected that he was trying to stay on the wagon, but she really wanted some company…

So Jack Quade had come to mind. They had become quite good friends since he'd returned to the ED a few months ago, after quitting following a rough patch in his life. He was easy to talk to (and being Nursing Unit Manager could be a bitch, the nurses didn't appreciate anything she did and the doctors looked down at her), was good with rosters – not to mention neck rubs – there were certainly _worse_ people for company.

"No, I went to see my sister," Jack said.

"I didn't realize you had a sister."

"Well, half-sister. I only found out she existed three years ago, when our mum was dying and she wanted to locate me. Uh, she dumped me with my father when I was eighteen months old," Jack explained. "Anyway, Bec heard about it on the news so I was somewhat obliged to go over there first to prove I was in one piece. So I only got back forty-five minutes ago, enough time to have a shower and call Karen." Jack emerged from his room, dressed in tracksuit pants and a T-shirt and Gabrielle handed him a beer. "Ta," he said. "God, I've missed having drinks in my own home."

"I know," Gabrielle agreed. "I feel like I can't have anything around in case Steve gets tempted." She had told Jack about Steve's drinking – something which hadn't impressed Steve in the least. Steve and Jack had got off on the wrong foot on day one, and never rectified their differences. But Gabrielle knew Jack could keep a secret, and he was good to talk to when things with Steve got too much.

"At least it's not _that_ bad with Dan," Jack said. "One drink won't set him onto a course of self-destruction, but I feel kind of bad, throwing it in his face that he can't drink."

Impulsively, she touched his cheek. She liked the way he was receptive to her touch; Jack was a man who didn't like to be touched, so it gave her a nice feeling that he didn't seem to mind when _she_ touched him. "I think it's really sweet that you've given up drinking at home for Dan," she said.

Jack shrugged. "He's been a good mate to me. I never thought I'd get along so well with a guy but we do. I couldn't just throw his inability to drink in his face like that." He led her to the couch. "How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"I'm fine."

"You had a gun pointed at you, you can't be fine," he said. "I've had blood-filled syringes held to my neck, that was scary enough. I can't fathom what it must have been like for you."

Gabrielle started to shiver. Jack drew her into his arms and pulled the throw rug over her. "Poor baby," he said soothingly. "It's alright. I'm here. I've got you." He didn't know how he'd gotten into this position – holding Gabrielle Jaeger as she worked through a hysterical episode – but it felt right.

"Jack, I thought I was going to die," she admitted. "She was just so… I mean, she wasn't even thinking logically. Stealing medication is one thing, _killing_ someone because you're pissed off… she looked at me like I was a cockroach that was annoying her… not a human being."

He kissed the top of her head. "It must have been awful," he said sympathetically. He didn't know what else to say, but he had a feeling it was enough just to have someone who understood. He hadn't been there, but he'd suffered in another way from James and Melissa's madness… they had blown up the freaking Pathology lab to cause a distraction… Jack wasn't sure how many people had died just as a result of the bomb blast…

It made him sick to think about it. And it made him angry to think that the hospital had such lousy security – they should have picked up a bomb planted, they should have known sooner that the ED was under lockdown… He squeezed Gabrielle tighter.

After a few minutes, she calmed down. "Sorry," she sniffled.

"It's OK. I figure I owe karma some sympathy to others. Feeling a bit better?"

She smiled sheepishly. "A bit," she admitted. "Thanks." She didn't leave his arms. It felt nice, cuddled up to him. He had strong arms and a muscular chest and he made her feel safe. "You can't be feeling too well yourself," she murmured.

"I'm fine. I had a good talk with my counsellor."

Gabrielle found herself chuckling. "How did you get a counsellor so quickly?" she asked.

"I didn't. Karen's been my counsellor since I came back to the ED."

He felt Gabrielle go completely still in his arms as her mind ticked over. "You mean Karen Haynes?" she asked.

It was more of a statement than a question, and Jack couldn't bring himself to deny it. He had spent too much of his life hiding what had happened to him to do it now. "Yeah," he admitted huskily, knowing what was coming.

"Jack, she's a sexual assault counsellor." One of the best in the state, actually, who just happened to work at All Saints Western General.

"Yeah." Jack's voice was even more husky, tentative, trying to work out what Gabrielle was thinking, terrified of being rejected again – even just by a friend.

Gabrielle looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He had such beautiful eyes, she realized, so expressive… and sad. "Oh, Jack," she said sympathetically. "When? How? I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's OK. He stroked her hair. He'd had a fair bit to drink and it had made him mellow, but he wasn't drunk. "I was thirteen. Do you remember a patient we had about six months ago, Patrick Wesley? My friend Travis took a carving knife to his groin."

Gabrielle remembered it because it had been a particularly nasty crime, and something had registered in the back of her mind that it seem like retribution for a sex criminal. Maybe she hadn't really thought about it because she hadn't wanted to make the connection between Patrick and Travis, and Travis and Jack… "Yeah," she said. "That was nasty."

"Not as nasty as what he did to us and God knows who else. My childhood wasn't very happy, I'm the result of a one-night stand between a barmaid and a married man who couldn't keep it in his pants. I went to live with my dad when I was eighteen months old, and my stepmother hated me. I can't stay I blame her really. Dad was so obvious with his screwing around, had such a sense of entitlement about it, and I was an easy target for Stella's anger. I wouldn't like having evidence of my partner's infidelity in my face all the time – but I was just a kid… I didn't have a lot in my life that was good and Patrick was like a second father to me – a father who actually gave a shit about me. He made me feel good about myself. I used to go over there and he'd find me odd jobs to do for cash, let me crash in the spare room and use it to study… One day I woke up and he'd gotten my clothes off… I fought but he said if I screamed he wouldn't use lubricant and that would hurt a lot more… he raped me and when I tried to tell Stella she told me I was making up it and made me keep going back…"

At this point, Jack buried his head in her shoulder. Being knocked out by a bomb didn't phase him, but talking about his sexual abuse brought him to tears… Gabrielle wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers along the bare skin. "I'm so sorry," she said sympathetically. Her own first experience with sex hadn't been great, but to have that happen to you…

For a few minutes he cried into her shoulder and she held him. He dug his fingers into her arms, and she steeled herself not to flinch. It hurt, but she could deal.

After a few minutes, he raised his head and looked her in the eyes. She was struck by the odd thought of just how beautiful he looked, so vulnerable and open to her. Jack was so guarded about his private life – she was beginning to understand _why_ now – and right now, it was like she could see into his soul through his tear-filled eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm not normally such a baby."

Impulsively, she kissed him on the cheek. "I think you're incredibly strong," she whispered in his ear. "I can't imagine what it takes to get on with your life after something like that."

He smiled ruefully. "I made a real mess of things at times," he admitted. "So many women I didn't give a crap about just to prove I was straight. I'd feel so dirty after it was over, I couldn't kid myself that I hadn't used them, but while I was doing it… I'd feel like such a man, one hundred percent hetero… shit, I can't believe what a shit I was, I lost you a nurse over it."

He'd been relieving hell, and he thought she gave a shit about Rachel? "She was kind of an idiot anyway," Gabrielle offered. "She had the biggest crush on you, I tried to tell her you didn't have a very good track record but she slept with you anyway. Maybe you should have been more aware of how she felt about you, but going to bed with someone who's just had a close friend die isn't the cleverest thing to do. I would have expected that of someone five years younger and much flightier, not Rachel."

Jack made a face. "I hope you know I wouldn't have touched her had she been five years younger."

"Yeah, I do. But I'm just saying… you shouldn't beat yourself up over it too badly. She knew what she was doing and you didn't give her any hint that there was something more to it… did you?"

Jack shook his head."As lousy as I've acted sometimes, I've never said anything I didn't mean to get laid. I told her she was beautiful and all that but I never promised her a relationship or even a date, and I certainly didn't tell her I loved her. It's been years since I told a woman I loved her. Other than Bec."

She snuggled into Jack's arms. She was a bit tipsy, and he felt so nice. "Sometimes I wonder if Steve ever loved me," she admitted.

"What makes you say that?"

"He cheated on me a lot. Only one time I definitely know about, but I kept getting this sense that there were other women. He lied a lot to hide his drinking and screwing around – you don't do that to someone you love, do you?"

"How many relationship have you had, Gabby?" Jack asked. "It's just that I get the impression you haven't had a lot of experience with men to _know_ that's not the way you treat someone you love." Gabrielle squirmed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's fine, Jack. It's just that there's only been Steve and it's a bit embarrassing to admit that."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think if you find someone you connect with, there's no reason to see what else is there. I'm still looking for someone like that... who I have great sex with, too," he added with a smile. He'd settle for just that, sometimes. It had been ages since he'd been with a woman he had a decent sexual connection with – but picking up women at random in bars was hardly conducive to that.

Gabrielle squirmed again. "That's just it. I mean, I _thought_ we had a great connection but... I was only sixteen when we started going out and I was so infatuated with him... when we got back together, there were all these things about him which I think were always there, but when I was with him before I didn't see them. And I never really liked sex."

Jack laughed. "Come on, there must have been some good moments."

Gabrielle shrugged. "Our first time was in the back of his ute. I didn't really want to, or at least I didn't plan to, but we'd both been drinking and one thing led to another... with him it was always just in, pump it for a few minutes and he was done."

Jack made a face. "I think that's the most revolting recount of sex I've ever heard. I never got how men can be so selfish in bed. And how much older than you is he, anyway?"

"Ten years," Gabrielle admitted. She couldn't help but shiver at Jack's comment about not getting how men could be so selfish in bed (or the back of a ute). Rachel had poured her heart out to Gabrielle over Jack's cavalier treatment of her, and she'd gone into a fair amount of detail about just how good Jack was in bed. No wonder she'd fallen for him hard by the end of the night.

Was it her imagination, or did the feel of Jack's arms around her waist just become a little more sensual?

Jack whistled. "That's... actually a little creepy," he said. "That would be like _me_ dating a sixteen-year-old now. Christ, no wonder you don't like sex, if he's the only guy you've been with. He probably goes after 'em young so they don't realise how inadequate he is."

"Jack, don't say that about him."

"Why not? It's probably the truth. There's no way I'd go after someone that young, or be so selfish in bed. God, how can you _not_ want to make a woman come? I hate lousy sex."

He looked up at him. Their eyes connected, and there was obvious chemistry between them. "Me too," she said, and kissed him.

She'd never made the first move, and kissing Jack felt strange – but exhilarating. He resisted her for a second so she tentatively applied more pressure, pushing her tongue into his mouth, running it over his teeth until he shuddered with desire he didn't knew he possessed and opened his mouth.

He was far less delicate than Gabrielle had been with him. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, exploring it without reserve, her lips, her teeth, her tongue... he maneuvered them so he was on top, reversing their positions. Gabrielle knew without asking that he was a man who liked to be on top.

Even balancing himself on his knees, his weight was forcing her deep into the couch, and she loved it. He cupped her neck on one side and trailed kisses down her face and other side of her neck. "You're beautiful," he said huskily as he started kissing along her collarbone. He moved his hands down the front of her body, under her t-shirt. She shivered when he ran his hands along her bare skin and bucked up against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and ran her hands down his back.

The effect of her gyrating against him was almost immediate and Jack reluctantly pulled away. "I think you should go home," he said thickly.

"Why?"

"Gabby, I can't promise you anything. I have no idea how I'll feel in the morning and I don't want to hurt you by letting you think something might happen when I can't promise it."

She wrapped his arms around his neck and looked into his eyes. "We both need this," she said. "I'm not asking anything for tomorrow. Why don't we decide what we want tomorrow... and agree we can just go back to the way things were yesterday."

"You can do that?" he asked.

Gabrielle nodded. "Take me to bed, Jack," she said.

Jack got off her and stood up, holding his hand out for hers. She gave it to him, and he pulled her up and into his arms. Gabrielle squealed in delight and pressed her head against his chest. It felt so surreal, being carried by a man she'd only ever thought of as a colleague to his bedroom to spend the night with him...

She shivered as he lay her down gently and lay on his side next to her. "You OK?" he asked. She nodded. "We don't have to do this."

"Jack, I want to. It's just... I've never done this before. I'm nervous."

He kissed her on the mouth. "Just follow my lead. And _tell_ me if I'm going too fast, or you don't like what I'm doing. I hate women who keep quiet if they're not enjoying it." He started kissing down her face and neck, pulling at the bottom of her t shift, making her gasp and squirm. She ran her fingers through his hair, down his back, pulling up his own t shirt so she could run her hands along the bare skin of his back.

He climbed on top of her, pushing her into the mattress in a similar way to how he'd pushed her into the couch. The strength of his body was a turn on. And he was a good kisser. He flicked his tongue in and our of her mouth, exploring thoroughly, kissing her all over his face as if he could memorise the feel of her with his lips and tongue.

They began making out without doing much to remove each other's clothes. Jack was incredibly tactile – at least when it came to the women he was involved with – and when Gabrielle wrapped her legs around his waist, he groaned and bucked against her, his erection obvious against her thigh. She wound her hand down to his crotch and smiled pleasedly when she felt just how hard he was – and how big. "Lucky me," she murmured with a cheeky smile.

"Oh, God, don't do that," he groaned when she began rubbing her palm against his crotch. "I'll come and look like an idiot."

"Really? When was the last time you were with someone?"

"There hasn't been anyone since Mercedes. Please, Gabby, stop it. I'm serious." He bit his lip and groaned with pleasure. He had never been one for masturbating, preferred even the illusion of intimacy that a casual pickup offered, and Gabrielle was playing on the fact he was desperately horny. And she seriously seemed to know what she was doing. If she didn't stop, he wouldn't last more than a few minutes.

Gabrielle smiled when she saw the effect she was having on Jack. His eyes were shut and he was groaning softly as she rubbed him. It was a kick to have Jack so desperately hot for her. "What's your recovery time like?" she asked provocatively. Steve always struggled to get it up more than once in a night – at least with her.

"Depends on how I feel, but with you – less than an hour... _oh, God_." His tracksuit pants, designed to be a loose fit, were feeling uncomfortably tight.

He was too worked up to resist when she wriggled out from under him and pushed him onto his back, her hand not leaving his crotch. She ran her free hand down his shirt, unbuttoning it, kissing his bare chest as she went down. He was squirming on the bed and groaning, his breathing became laboured. "You don't have to," he said, utterly without conviction as she pulled at the tie of his tracksuit pants.

"I want to," she said, and she was surprised at how much she wanted to. With Steve, a blow job had always been so demeaning but with Jack...

He groaned louder when she pulled down his pants and boxers... "OK, seriously, stop. There's something you need to know." He watched him curiously. "That bastard made me go down on him so many times I lost count. I can't stand the taste. I mean, I really can't stand it, makes me throw up. I don't want to offend you by asking you to rinse your mouth out later so you don't have to do it. I don't want to upset you."

Gabrielle realised how hard it was for Jack to tell her that. She also couldn't begrudge him that particular hang-up. She couldn't imagine how degrading it must have been for him to be forced to do that. "It's fine, Jack," she said. "I'll rinse my mouth out."

"Are you sure? I don't want to force you into anything"

Gabrielle had to laugh. "If I didn't know you better, I'd say you don't _want_ a blow job. Why don't you just lay back and relax and let me do my job."

So Jack lay back and tried to relax. He found it was easy with Gabrielle. She knew what she was doing; he didn't realise it came from years of dealing with Steve's libido, which was often undermined by his drinking. That Jack was sober and in good physical condition was a treat for her.

Jack groaned and writhed as Gabrielle worked him through. He felt himself starting to climax and when it happened, it was intense. By the time she was done he felt drained in a fantastic way. He lay on his bed, prostrate, basking in the afterglow of the experience. "Where's your bathroom?" she asked.

"Down the hall."

Gabrielle was back in a few minutes. Jack had put his boxers back on and reached out his arm to her. She cuddled up to him. He could smell the mouthwash on her, and it touched him deeply that she was so accommodating. "Thanks for understanding," he said. "I have a lot of hang-ups, it's hard to talk about them."

She ran her fingers over his chest. "I'm glad you could trust me." She felt so good in his arms and he'd barely touched her. It had been less than an hour but they had an incredible connection. She was beginning to think maybe this could be more than a one-night release...

"Look, I hate to spoil the mood but we need to talk about protection. I hate using condoms but I don't want to risk my health... I trust you but I don't trust Steve so if you have any doubt at all..."

Gabrielle gave a cynical laugh. "After we broke up the first time, I found out I had Chlamydia. It was humiliating. There was no way I wasn't using condoms for at least three months. He wasn't happy with it but I didn't give him the choice."

Jack kissed her. "Good girl." He couldn't believe some of the reckless behaviour he saw from women sometimes who felt they couldn't insist their boyfriends use condoms. "What about birth control? Are you on anything?" The last thing he needed was another pregnancy resulting from a one-night stand.

Suddenly Gabrielle went stiff in his arms. "I don't think this is such a good idea," she said. "I should go home."

Jack wrapped his arms around her from behind before she could so much as get off the bed. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong. I just don't think this is a good idea anymore."

"You were fine with it a minute ago, until I asked you about birth control. Are you infertile?" She tensed up and Jack knew he was on the right track. "What happened?"

"I had a really bad miscarriage at seven months when I was nineteen," she admitted. "Steve was driving and he was drunk... they did test after test and I was told it wasn't likely I'd conceive again."

Jack kissed her gently on the side of her head. "I'm so sorry," he said. He didn't know what else to say.

"The pathetic thing was, he never wanted it. He hated the idea of becoming a father. If I'd just had an abortion when he'd told me to –"

"Don't think like that," he ordered her.

"Don't patronise me, Jack. You have no idea what it's like for me. I'm twenty-four and I think about having a child all the time. You can't possibly know what that's like."

"I know that when Charlotte told me she was pregnant, I was so angry with her. I thought she'd planned it, thought she'd got me drunk deliberately so I'd have sex with her. Eventually I came around to the idea and actually looked forward to it. It gave me a lot of closure about what a shit father I had and how I was going to do so much better a job – I was so angry when she miscarried, it wasn't fair that I came to terms with it only for that to happen. I was twenty-four and I'd never thought about having a kid before, but ever since, it's always on my mind. I get clucky when I see young families and if it's a girl about the right age, well, I just think about what could have been and it still hurts. And I know I can still have kids. I can't imagine what it would be like for you."

Gabrielle was crying now. He didn't move from his position but continued to hold her. "I'm sorry, I'm never like this," she said tearfully.

"It's fine. I'm glad you could open up to me." God knew, Steve wasn't much in the sensitive and supportive stakes. "Look, what do you want to do? I don't want to push you when you're emotional –"

"I want this, Jack. I want to... lose myself tonight."

"OK." He heard the vulnerability in her voice and spent a few seconds weighing the morality of the question. Gabrielle was vulnerable and maybe she didn't need this but... he somehow knew why she needed him; he needed her the same way.

He sensed that she needed to take things slow, and he began kissing her softly along her neck. He ran his hands up and down her arms until she was shivering. Steve had never taken so much time getting her into it. It occurred to her that Jack was seducing her, and she badly needed seducing after being with someone as selfish and inept as Steve. "Jack..." she groaned when he began applying more pressure to her arms and moved one hand to her torso, under her singlet.

He maneuvered himself so she was lying on her back with him on his side next to her. He inched her singlet up slowly, kissing and caressing every inch of skin as he went up, until he reached her breasts and pulled the material over her head. He started kissing and caressing her breasts until she was squirming and sighing under him. Jack was awakening feelings she'd never felt, feelings of lust and desire... she felt herself shudder as Jack began working his way down after devoting ten minutes to her breasts, anticipating what he was going to do...

When he got to the waistband of her pants, he slowly pulled them down so she was clad only in her panties. He kissed her along her thighs until she started trashing around frantically. He smiled to himself. She was so easy to turn on.

He realised she'd never had an orgasm before so he needed to take things easy with her. He hooked his thumbs under her panties and pulled them down with deliberate slowness until she was panting with anticipation. He knew if she was bold enough, she'd be begging him to go down on her, but the fact she wasn't bold enough was part of her charm.

Steve had always refused to go down on her, claiming it was 'dirty', so she was a little squeamish about the idea, but Jack wasn't about to be deterred. He enjoyed making women feel great in bed, more so because Gabrielle had such lousy luck with Steve. He used his fingers and tongue to great effect until she was screaming with complete abandon. He had trouble holding her still enough to keep on task and managed it by keeping his lower arm pressed down on her torso; that was going to hurt tomorrow, but she was sure to think it was worth it.

Gabrielle screamed out Jack's name as she climaxed over and over. When he was satisfied he'd made a fair dent on her repressed sexuality, he brought her back to reality slowly enough the shock wouldn't jar her. He stood up and watched her from the foot of the bed. She was flushed and glowing. She looked beautiful. "You ready, sweetheart?" he asked. She nodded. He pulled down his boxers to reveal an impressive erection. Gabrielle already knew it was big from going down on him, but the idea of having him inside her was something else entirely... she reached out for him and spread her legs wider.

He knelt between her legs and positioned himself to penetrate her. "This may be a little uncomfortable for a bit," he acknowledged apologetically. "Let me know if it's too much, I don't want you to keep quiet because you don't want to ruin it for me, OK?" Gabrielle nodded. Jack trusted his ability to read her body language but he didn't entirely trust Gabrielle to keep quiet if he was too rough with her, she didn't exactly have a great track record when it came to speaking up about bad sex.

Slowly, he pushed inside her until he was buried in her. She was wet and slippery but was still tight. He could feel her opening up to him, she was so tight, tighter than he expected. He watched her face. She seemed to be handling it OK. She smiled at him encouragingly, as if to tell him that if he was hurting her, it couldn't be helped and he was doing his best to make it as easy as possible.

He stayed still inside her for several minutes, kissing her face and breasts as he gave her time to get used to him. Eventually, he started moving inside her, slowly at first, then picking up speed. He brought one hand down to start stroking her in her most private of places, and after a few minutes, she started to climax again.

Jack was nothing if not a consummate lover. His own first experiences with sex had been painful and humiliating, and he couldn't do that to someone else. Half his pleasure came from hearing her scream, feeling her buck and writhe underneath him. It wasn't long before she was getting the hang of good sex and taking her initiative, stroking his back, wrapping her legs around his waist, matching his rhythm, calling out his name as she climaxed.

He nearly screamed himself as he came, slamming into her – momentarily forgetting he was trying not to be rough, not that she cared – and losing himself in a release of intensity he'd never felt before. He buried his face in her neck and struggled not to cry.

She sensed his restraint and stroked his hair gently, something he seemed to like. "It's OK," she said. "Let go if you need to."

He'd never had sex with a woman who knew about what had happened to him and it gave him such a sense of security that he started crying. "Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly after he was done. "I'm never like this in bed."

"It's OK." She smiled at him, and loved the way he smiled back through his tears. "We both needed this."

He got off her and lay on his back, drawing her into his arms. Nothing needed to be said, and they just laid together a while.

Gradually, Jack's gentle caresses became more demanding and Gabrielle realised he was ready for a second – or third – round. "You can't be serious," she gasped as he turned her onto her side so he could spoon her.

"I told you I have a quick recovery rate... and you make me so hot," he added huskily. It was like a dam had been broken and three months of pent-up desire was crashing through. He was a very sexual man and for the last three months had been punishing himself for his reckless promiscuity with abstinence. It was like he'd been living on bread and water for three months to come home to an absolute banquet.

Gabrielle was whimpering in anticipation by the time Jack entered her. She gripped his hand tightly as he began rocking against her. He had great timing when it came to pleasing women, and he knew instinctively exactly what made her tick.

Afterwards, she lay in his arms, shaking. "You're incredible at this," she admitted.

"I believe I detect a note of jealousy," he said teasingly. Gabrielle squirmed and he realised he'd hit closer to the bone than he'd intended. "I've never had it go down well with women, just how much experience I've had," he admitted ruefully.

"And how much experience is that?" she asked.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah," she admitted. She wasn't sure if she _did_ want to know or not, but now that door had been opened and she couldn't let it rest.

"Two hundred and six," he admitted. "I know it sounds like a lot, especially given I'm not even thirty, but... for a long time I felt a had a lot to prove. He called me a faggot while he was doing it. He made me question if that was true, if I'd done something to encourage him. In my mind, every woman I took to bed made me that bit more straight."

Gabrielle shivered at Jack's candour. She'd thought she wouldn't be able to handle the truth of the degree of Jack's promiscuity, but the way he explained it... his behaviour was like that of an addict who uses food or alcohol as a coping mechanism... in fact, Gabrielle wouldn't be surprised if Jack's behaviour was actually that of a borderline addict. No, she couldn't feel jealous or insecure about the women who'd come before her. If anything, it made her feel more secure about herself, because she knew this had to be one of the few sexual relationships he'd had where he didn't feel the need to prove himself.

"How does that make you feel?" he asked, shaking her from her thoughts.

"It's hard to explain. Not jealous or insecure in the way you'd think... Jack, am I any good?" she blurted out. "What's so funny?" she demanded crossly when Jack started laughing.

"That sounds like something someone would say when they're only experience is bad sex with a selfish prick. Look, you're not great technically but you learnt quickly – mostly it's just about pressure and timing and when sex is good, you learn that quickly."

Gabrielle snorted. "Pressure and timing," she said. "You sound like a scientist."

"I loved science as a kid. I loved puzzling things out, I loved the universal truth of it. I loved the idea that something was a problem that had an answer if you worked at it long enough. That's what appealed to me about medicine."

The more she found out about Jack, the more she appreciated him as an intelligent, compassionate man who had survived so much – she had so much admiration for him. They talked well into the night in between fantastic sex- Gabrielle could safely say this was the greatest night of her life, and she was pretty sure Jack felt the same way.

She opened up about growing up in a farm in southern Queensland, her life with her family and Steve, being such an impressionable country girl. "Sydney really appealed to me, the idea of a big city... but I've hardly seen any of it."

"Really? I grew up here. I used to love exploring – I'd get on the bus every weekend and go as far as my pocket money would take me. You've never been to the botanical gardens or the opera house?" She shook her head. "Man, I have to get you out more. I'll organise something special for our first date."

"First date?"

"Sorry, slip of the tongue. I was just thinking it would be fun to show Sydney to someone who's only ever lived in the country. I didn't mean it that way." He took a deep breath. "Unless... you'd consider going out with me?"

They had gone to bed together agreeing not to hold each other to anything in the morning. But that was before they had opened up to each other about their lives and the things they'd overcome. The idea of acting as if it had never happened tomorrow morning was a lot more unpalatable than it had been a few hours before. "I'd consider it," she said coyly, and Jack smiled. She liked making him smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Gabrielle woke up reluctantly to the sound of her alarm. It was ridiculously early – well, the same time she usually got up, but she had never spent the night before alternating between mind-blowingly fantastic sex and deep conversation. She'd had about two hours sleep after Jack had finally exhausted himself sexually.

She smiled at his sleeping form. Four times he'd gone all up, plus the initial blow job. Turned out she hadn't had to worry about slowing him down, he was like a machine. No, not a machine – artificial intelligence could never recreate someone as tender and insightful as Jack. He had a knack of making her feel warm and loved and sexy with a phrase, a brush of his fingers... and she was pretty sure she'd made him feel pretty damn special, too.

She decided to leave him be, she'd see him later tonight when his shift coincided with the last hour of hers. Besides, there was no telling what he might be up for if she woke him, and she had to be at work in less than two hours. She kissed him lightly on his forehead and dressed quickly.

She felt like a deer caught in headlights when she was confronted with Dan's judgmental stare. She didn't know he'd gotten home an hour before, and had quickly realised Jack had spent the night with _someone_. The irresponsible git. He'd worked so hard not to slide back into the destructive habits of alcohol and sex, only to blow it after three months. OK, so he got some leeway for the trauma of the day, but Dan was still disappointed. Couldn't he have called his counsellor or something?

That the woman in question was Gabrielle – Dan couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. Didn't she of all people know how Jack treated his conquests after he was done with them? _Jack_ was the one who'd knocked his head, but Gabrielle had taken complete leave of her senses and jumped into bed with a colleague who was a known womaniser.

"You stupid slut," Dan blurted out, anger and disbelief at how reckless his boss had been mounting. She'd better not take it out on her nursing staff – ie, he and Ricki – when she realised that whatever Jack had said in the heat of passion, the reality was much different.

Gabrielle looked at Dan, shocked that he could say something like that, let alone to _her_, his _boss_. She realised it looked bad, but it was none of his business. She was hardly a stupid woman, she had gone to bed with Jack knowing his conditions – and the reason for his conditions – and accepting them, and Dan had no right to judge her for that. "Excuse me?" she asked coolly, trying to re-establish their boss-subordinate relationship. "How does what I do in my private life affect you?"

"It affects you when Jack discards you as his latest conquest and you take it out on your staff," Dan retorted.

Lying in Jack's arms, hearing him talk about the demons that had driven him to use women to prove his heterosexuality, Gabrielle had believed things were different for him now. But Dan being so short with her made her realise that Dan had been through this God knows how many times with Jack – how many discarded conquests had there been calling them, showing up on the doorstep. "We talked a lot," Gabrielle said with as much dignity as she could muster. "I understand why he does some of the things he does."

"Did he tell you he can't respect women after they've gone down on him?" Dan threw in her face. It was crass, he knew, but he figured it was something she needed to know if she was entertaining thoughts of being with Jack. Jack was hardly relationship material. He admitted he had trouble making eye contact with Rachel after their night together. He liked blow jobs as much as the next man, but there was always a part of his mind which connected it with his own humiliating experiences.

Gabrielle flinched, and Dan knew he'd hit his point home. Well, so what if she was shocked? Jack clearly hadn't opened up as much as she thought he had. "You should have known better," Dan said harshly. "You saw what Rachel went through, and she had the luxury of going somewehere else."

_Rachel_. The girl hadn't entered Gabrielle's thoughts since early on the previous evening. She still worked at All Saints, Jack had mentioned a few times that he ran into her and was trying to redeem himself by treating her with the respect she'd deserved all along.

Gabrielle had never told Jack that she and Rachel were still friendly, although Rachel had never taken her up on her offer to work at the ED again. Rachel took a lot from her casual coffee dates with Jack, more than she should have. Despite the way he had treated her, she was still a little infatuated with him, not helped by the fact he went above and beyond to treat her like a human being these days.

Rachel would take her night with Jack to be a massive betrayal.

Come to think of it, she wouldn't get much leeway from anyone else. Just another of his conquests – it was hard to argue with that. Jack himself had admitted he struggled with relationships, his longest had been with the legendary Terri Sullivan (Gabrielle had a difficult enough time living up to her reputation as the ED NUM, and people still referred to her as the love of Jack's life, as if trying to prove herself professionally wasn't bad enough, she was expected to take on Jack as well) – for all his talk about a first date through Sydney's icons, what kind of boyfriend would he make?

"Look, go home OK," Dan said. "Your weirding me out. My boss coming out of my housemate's room is not something I want to dwell on." _And you'd better not take it out on us when he rejects you_.

_Says he who kicked Jack out over Bianca – at least I'm not going to be a bitch to you_, Gabrielle thought, but kept her mouth shut. She took the opportunity to leave, feeling flushed and uneasy. What had fifteen minutes ago been the end of a wonderful night with Jack now made her feel a bit dirty and guilty.

It got worse. When she arrived late at work, Frank barked at her immediately. "What took you so long? Rachel's been waiting for you for half an hour."

Gabrielle's heart sank. Rachel being here the morning after she spent the night with Jack couldn't be a good thing. She let herself into the office she shared with Frank and Zoe and met her former subordinate, who was currently extremely agitated. "What happened?" she asked. Then, "Are you pregnant?" It had been the most obvious question, and one that made her queasy.

Rachel shook her head. "No," she said. "It's just... I heard about what happened with the ED and pathology and, well, I figured Dan would be with Ricki and Jack could do with some company... Gabby, he's been so nice to me since he got back and I guess I never really stopped liking him. I don't know what I was thinking but when I got there, he already had someone over."

Gabrielle felt her heart lurch. She hadn't realised Rachel still harboured feelings strong enough that she'd go over there. "It was Ricki's car?" she suggested.

Rachel shook her head. "Ricki drives an Echo. She used to give me lifts home."

Gabrielle shrugged. "I know he has a sister, that's who I would have called if mine didn't live in Queensland."

"Maybe," Rachel said, but she didn't sound convinced. "Did he – did he say something to you about it? I know you guys are pretty pally, he speaks very highly of you."

So that's what it was about. Rachel had come to Gabrielle wanting to know if he was seeing someone, when the reality was it was Gabrielle who had spent the night in his bed. The irony. "Jack's incredible private, you know that," she said. "If he's seeing someone, he hasn't told me about it. And besides... would it really matter if you knew who she was?"

"I guess not," Rachel admitted. "It's just... well, I do still like him – I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. If you knew what he was like in bed, so damn good and so emotional, you would have fallen for him too."

Gabrielle was surprised her breathing was still even and her face wasn't bright red. What Rachel was saying was things she'd said before, but after spending the night with Jack – more doubts started to creep in. _Was_ she just another conquest like Rachel? She liked to think Jack was a bit more with it these days not to do something so stupid – but then, she had promised she wouldn't hold him to anything in the morning. Just two colleagues who needed a release having comfort sex. "I'm really sorry," she said, and she meant it. "I want to see you both happy but from little Jack says, you should stop pursuing it. He's not fit to be in a relationship."

She felt awful as she was saying it. She wanted to admit to Rachel what had happened. But it wouldn't achieve anything. It wouldn't give Rachel the closure she was seeking and it would trash Gabrielle's respectability. _Haha, you'd think she would have shown more common sense than to become his newest conquest_. The fact she was NUM made her an even better target, because Jack had been involved with her two most recent female predecessors – Terri and Deanna Richardson. And at least with them he'd been in a relationship. She was just... a conquest, a night's distraction.

She wanted to cry, but she didn't have the luxury. She had a department to run and staff who needed her to keep things together after the trauma they had all gone through yesterday. When Dan came in, he was aloof towards her, but he didn't say anything about it, which was a relief. She needed to keep this quiet. She'd have no credibility if people found out.

Towards the end of her shift, Jack made an appearance, completely ignorant of Gabrielle's confrontations with Dan and then Rachel. . He knocked on her door and leant in the doorframe. "Hey," he said, smiling at her, and he looked so sexy that she wanted to hope that things could work out between them...

She gave a tight smile. She was busy, far too busy to obsess about Jack. Look how far it had gotten Rachel. "Do you want something?"

He entered the office and shut the door behind him. "Yeah, I've been doing some ringing around and I have a few ideas for our date. I wanted to know what you thought."

She rewarded him with an even tighter smile when her heart wanted to soar that he'd been serious about the date. Maybe he was serious about it _now_, but in a few weeks time? And then where would she be? A dumped fling. "Jack, we agreed."

He looked confused. "Agreed to what?"

"That last night was just a one-night thing."

He frowned. "So when you agreed with me about a date and said you liked that, what was that?"

"What was it when you made Rachel feel so good about herself you didn't _need_ to promise anything, she just took it for granted?"

"That's not fair. I was so upset –"

"And I wasn't last night, Jack? We agreed that we needed a release and we wouldn't expect anything more of each other in the morning. Or are you going to be a child and say you changed you mind?"

Jack really wanted to pout and whine, but he knew doing so would only prove Gabrielle's point. He also knew he could hardly complain about things she'd said in the heat of passion and retracted in the cold reality of day – it wasn't something he was entirely innocent of in the past. "Fine," he said, and he diverted his eyes, a gesture Gabrielle noticed. _Did he tell you he can't respect women after they've gone down on him?_ No wonder Rachel hadn't been able to take working with him anymore, if this was the way he'd treated her. "Fine," he said, as professionally as he could manage. "I hope we can still work together."

"That's up to you. I'm fine with it," Gabrielle said, as professionally as she could manage. She felt dirty now, the way Jack couldn't look her in the eye.

After an awkward few seconds, Jack left the office and Gabrielle breathed a sigh of relief. It was done, and with any luck, and she and Jack could go back to being colleagues again.

* * *

But of course, it didn't work like that. Jack and Gabrielle treated each other with detached professionalism, but what palliness they had shared in the past was gone. Jack was deeply hurt by Gabrielle's refusal to go out with him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd connected with a woman like that – not Rachel, not Deanna, not even Terri – and she'd dismissed him completely.

It made him feel dirty. He'd poured his heart out and she'd accepted him in a way he'd never felt accepted before – what was that if not love? Or at least the act of falling for someone? Had she just said what needed to be said to get laid? Why had she opened up about her miscarriage?

Had she regretted it the next morning? He couldn't blame her for that, he had a foul reputation with women and hers could get dragged down to his level if they weren't careful. But – if it was respectability she'd wanted, there wasn't much more than being the woman who got a monogamous relationship out of Jack Quade.

And he wanted monogamy. He wanted a relationship. When he'd lain in Gabrielle's arms he'd realised she was what he wanted – a relationship with someone he cared about, someone who knew what had happened to him and accepted him anyone, someone he was falling for.

He was falling for her. Or at least, he had been. Now he was just confused. Had it not meant anything to her? Had it just been about sex?

As the weeks slipped by, he found forgetting her and their night together was impossible. He hated seeing her with Steve, wanted to deck the guy whenever he saw them together. Were they back together? Had Gabrielle decided that he was the one she wanted to be with?

Jack didn't think he could handle that. Jealousy consumed him.

* * *

Steve was extremely happy with the way things had progressed the last few weeks. Gabrielle hadn't let him kiss her yet, but she was letting him hang around a lot, spend time at her house. And best of all, she and Jack were on the outs. He couldn't stand that guy. There were plenty of nurses in the hospital, why did he have to go panting after Steve's girl? OK, so she technically wasn't Steve's girl anymore, but that didn't give Jack the right to go sniffing around her...

"You ready to go?" he asked her politely when her shift wrapped up – he'd conned Zoe into covering the rest of his shift by offering to come in early the next morning.

"Sure," Gabrielle said distractedly. She hadn't been able to get Jack out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. If he got within a meter of her his smell enveloped her and reminded her of the heady her they'd shared in his bed... and if he got close enough that their bodies brushed, it was all she could do not to throw herself in his arms.

It was for the best, she told herself. She wasn't about to have it made public that she was no better than Jack's latest conquest. Which was what she would have been.

Steve put his arm around her shoulder – Gabrielle liked the way he was so affectionate in public without actually trying to make a move in private – and threw a triumphant smile over his shoulder, to where Jack was consulting a patient. It didn't matter that Gabrielle wouldn't let him take it any further than an arm around her shoulder, Jack didn't know that.

Jack felt his heart contract when he saw Steve and Gabrielle leave together. Where they back together? If they were, they were keeping it a secret... but their close friendship was hardly a secret.

_If she can move on, so can I ,_Jack thought sullenly. The reality was, he wanted to cry. No, actually, he wanted to punch Steve Taylor's lights out and somehow convince Gabrielle he was in love with her, but she had made it clear what she wanted.

* * *

Her name was Bridget. She was twenty-three and if she lost ten kilos, she'd be quiet attractive. As it was, she was hardly a dog, just a little starved for the attention men paid to her thinner friends. She was an interesting person, if a little lonely and eager to please, and Jack could think of worse ways to spend an hour then talking to her.

When she'd mentioned she should be getting home, he'd walked her to her car. Because he was a little tipsy and lonely, he kissed her passionately against her car. Eager for attention, she kissed him back.

_She's sober enough to know what she's doing_, Jack thought as he applied pressure to her shoulders, indicating he wanted her on her knees. She was sober enough and willing enough and if she was doing it for the wrong reasons, well, how was that his fault?

He groaned appreciatively as she unzipped his jeans and took him in her mouth.. He grabbed her shoulders and started thrusting in and out of her mouth. She wasn't the most experienced person in the world, but she would do for what he wanted. She was here and she was willing, and he needed a release.

In his head, he knew what he was doing was wrong. It was no better than the women he'd used following Travis's death. But for a few minutes at least, she was making him feel good. And he hadn't promised her anything, so why should he feel bad? He hadn't coerced her, he hadn't held a gun to her head and ordered her on her knees – he hadn't offered her a blow job as an alternative to be raped... he groaned and, despite himself, placed his hand on the back of her head and pushed himself right down her throat because she didn't know how to take it in deep enough. He climaxed and kept his hand there a full ten seconds after so he knew she'd swallowed. There was something so tacky about having a woman spit it out afterwards.

Even if he _was_ painfully aware of how revolting it tasted.

Bridget got to her feet, and smiled shyly. "I guess I should go, now I'm really late," she said. Then she added, "look, I don't normally do this, it's just –"

Jack gave her his most reassuring smile. He wanted to get rid of her and employed the fastest method of doing so. "I'm flattered. Why don't you give me your number and I'll call you?" Eager, Bridget scribbled out her number.

Jack stashed it in the glove compartment of his car, having no intention of calling her. As hypocritical as it was, he had no interest in someone who was so eager to please she'd give a blow job in the carpark of a bar.

His thoughts turned to Gabrielle. _She_ wouldn't have given a blowjob in the carpark of a bar. Even though she had admitted to doing a lot of things because Steve had wanted it, he knew she had more dignity then that.

But now she was probably off with Steve... he couldn't help himself, he thought of them in bed together. She had gotten back with that prick and probably never gave a second thought about him. While he was off getting random women to go down on him and promising them phone calls he had no intention of delivering on because he couldn't get her out of his fucking head.

* * *

Steve made his move. He'd barely been able to brush his lips against hers before Gabrielle pushed him away. "I told you, at least six months," she reminded him.

Steve scowled. Yeah, yeah, he remembered. When he'd first broached the idea of them reconciling, she'd told him he needed to prove himself. At least six months of sobriety before she even _thought_ of getting back with him. The reformed alcoholic in him – the guy that acknowledged he had a problem and went to meetings and had a sponsor and was working at making amends – knew she had a valid point. He had treated her shabbily and had ever right to insist he prove himself to her before she got involved with him again.

But the selfish, indulgent part of Steve, the part which had driven him to cheat on the best thing that had ever happened to him and drink himself almost to destruction, wanted her now. He especially wanted her in light of her good friendship with Jack Quade, which had suddenly and mysteriously come to and end.

He had asked her about it, of course. She'd fobbed him off with a vague excuse about their rosters meaning they didn't see much of each other. Steve knew that was crap; he knew Jack had requested of Zoe that he do the night shifts (which Zoe had gladly put him on – a doctor volunteering for nights was almost unheard of), which likely meant he was actually avoiding Gabrielle. Steve wondered if he'd put the moves on her and been soundly rejected. That idea appealed to him.

But back to the six months. He had agreed not to try anything until six months of sobriety, but it was hard when she was right there and she was allowing him to be pally with her, hugging her, putting his arm around her shoulders... He gritted his teeth with impatience. She was just being overly cautious, that was her way. But it sucked just the same.

Gabrielle was trying to hold Steve at arm's length, which wasn't easy. He was eager to get back with her, especially now he knew her friendship was Jack was over. He'd questioned him about it, of course, and she'd fobbed him off with vague excuses. Steve had a temper and jealous streak, and Jack wasn't exactly a pacifist when it came to the women in his life either. Gabrielle didn't want to know what would happen if Steve knew what had _really_ happened between them. He seemed to have settled on him making a pass at her and being rejected outright, which appealed to his ego. He would never get over it if he knew she'd spent the night in his arms, and that Jack was so much greater a lover than Steve that Steve didn't rate a comparison.

_Jack_. She still got flushed when she thought of him. He had made it easier on her, asking to switch to nights, where he was throwing himself into his work, excelling in a role as the most senior doctor of nightshift, to a point Frank had actually started deferring to him as an unofficial 3IC after Zoe (something that infuriated Steve). He was coolly polite when he saw her, which wasn't much. He avoided Cougars if he thought she was going to be there. He rarely met her eyes when they were forced to speak.

She didn't know this was because he couldn't look at her without wanting to kiss her. She only recalled Dan's blow job comment and wondered if everytime he saw her, he thought of her serving him.

It was too humiliating a thought to entertain.

So she'd allowed Steve back into her life because he provided a buffer between her and Jack, not because she was still in love with him – or even that attracted to him. It made her feel a bit more respectable that Steve at least wanted to be involved with her enough that he respected her boundaries. How that worked she didn't exactly know – it wasn't like Jack had disrespected her boundaries, she had wanted him as much as he'd wanted her.

She scowled in frustration at the way things had turned out. Everything was a mess. And she couldn't help thinking about Jack.

* * *

Her name was Corinne and she was eighteen. Jack didn't know what he'd been thinking except that he'd been drunk. Oh, and she was blond, about Gabrielle's height, and she came from a farming family in Victoria. After a few drinks it became enough for him.

She was on a scholarship to study law at the University of Sydney. Her family was so proud of her they'd fronted the cash for her own apartment – it was tiny, but it was better than going back to the house he shared with Dan, who was becoming more and more suspicious that Jack had returned to his old ways of going through women like tissues.

Well, so what if he was? Sleeping around wasn't a crime. It wasn't like he forced these women to do anything, or promised them anything in returned for having sex with them. And maybe, just maybe, he would find someone to get Gabrielle off his mind for more than a few hours at a time. He could be happy with a lawyer. That was certainly more ambitious than a nurse.

Corinne certainly had the right attributes. She was pretty, enthusiastic and intelligent. And infatuated with the idea of having a doctor boyfriend. She'd had a few sexual experiences with local boys, but she was sick of farm life and straining at the bit – so to speak – to become one with Sydney. She considered it serendipitous that she should run into a good-looking, appropriately older – not even a decade, although Jack just scraped through there, old enough to be sophisticated and experienced and young enough to keep up with her – surgeon. Her friends at home would be so jealous!

It didn't quite work out like that. The same as the dozen or so women in the last few weeks, Corinne was discarded as soon as he lost interest in her sexually – which was only a few hours after she'd caught his interest. He hadn't even bothered staying the night. It only made him _more_ aware that she wasn't Gabrielle, which only made him lonelier.

Corinne possessed all the arrogance that her youth, prettiness and intelligence could muster, and she'd been furious when a week passed and Jack didn't call her. She'd taken a look at his key card when he wasn't looking (was a bit disappointed to find it said he was an ED physician, not a surgeon) so she knew he worked at All Saints. She'd marched down to the ward to confront him.

It was hard to tell what had humiliated him more, having Mercedes come in bashed and having it revealed he'd slept with a married woman (unknowingly, but people rarely remembered that) or having Corinne have it out with him in the ward.

He blamed Steve. The guy worked out what Corinne was there for (maybe he just assumed any woman asking about Jack had to be an ex) and let her in. Frank wasn't impressed at Steve's security breach, , but Steve had considered his wrath well worth Corinne's hissy fit. Having all his colleagues witness him being humiliated by a pretty piece of jailbait who he hadn't bothered to call the next day was worth any punishment Frank could come up with. Besides, Frank wasn't all that impressed with Jack for bringing Corinne into his ED; Steve didn't realise it, but a condition of Jack's return was that he didn't bring his personal problems to work. Which having a screaming eighteen-year-old in the ward definitely was.

"Sorry, _how_ old is she?" Steve asked smugly when Jack had managed to get rid of her.

Jack glowered. For Steve to ask that of all people – "Older than Gabrielle was," he couldn't resist throwing back.

Steve's face went red with anger. The ED went quiet as they waited for his reaction. None of them were stupid, they had all worked out there was an indiscrepancy between his and Gabrielle's ages and the fact their relationship went back so far. "What did you say?" Steve asked coolly.

"You heard me." Jack wasn't about to back down. He was fed up with all the ways Steve stuck it to him over Gabrielle. Like his own behaviour was so great. There might have been a similar age gap between him and Corinne that there was between Steve and Gabrielle, but Corinne was eighteen, no sixteen, and he hadn't claimed her virginity when she was too drunk to stop it, either.

The situation would have ended up in a fist fight had Frank not wedged himself between them, almost copping the blow Steve had intended for Jack. Since Steve had breached security and let Corinne in in the first place and Steve had thrown the first punch, he was more in trouble than Jack. (After all, it technically wasn't a crime to sleep with someone who was inclined to show up at your workplace and abuse you.) "Taylor, I need you to take some things up to pathology... and wait for the results." That would keep him busy for at least half an hour. "Quade, my office."

Steve went off to pathology, grumbling. Jack went to Frank's office. "What the hell was that about?"

Jack shrugged. "I didn't even tell her where I work. It's not my fault she found out on her own and came here."

"I seem to recall telling you not to bring your personal problems to work. If that means showing better judgment in the women you see –"

"None of this would have happened if Steve hadn't let her in. He's got it in for me," Jack said sullenly.

There was truth to that. "Any reason for that?" Frank asked. "The two of you have never gotten along, and it's gotten worse since you and Jaeger became close. Which is something else I've wanted to talk to you about – you guys have a falling out? You've barely spoken since the holdup?"

Jack squirmed. He had a feeling Frank knew – or at least suspected – about the night they'd spent together, Frank had a knack for knowing these things. "Nothing that concerns you," Jack said.

Frank sighed. It was quite obvious that something had happened with Jack that was causing him to slide back into his old habits of using women – and possibly alcohol – to ease his loneliness. And he had a feeling Gabrielle had something to do with that. Had he reached out to her in his loneliness and been knocked back? Had she been silly enough to give into his advances and regretted it in the morning? He'd questioned her as well, but neither or them were saying anything. In the meantime, he was stuck with an awkward, bickering threesome.

"Fine, get back to work," Frank said, dismissing him with a wave. He was forcing Jack to finish his shift, hoping the experience would be humiliating enough for him to make him think twice before he did it again. Not bloody likely – when Jack got in one of these moods, they could go on for months until something happened to jolt him out of it – but it was worth a shot. "Send Jaeger in."

"What the hell is the matter with the three of you?" Frank asked when Gabrielle entered. "I don't like my ED being jeopardised because my staff can't keep their personal lives at home!"

Gabrielle frowned. She hated the way Frank referred to her as 'his staff'. "I'll talk to Steve, he has a knack for provoking Jack," she admitted.

"Damn straight he has. Those two have never gotten alone and it's gotten worse since you and he became friends. What's going on between you that's got Steve so jealous?"

Gabrielle flinched. It was like Frank could read her thoughts – and he _did_ have a knack for finding out what was happening in his staff's lives. _His staff_. Now she was thinking it, too. "Nothing," she said, which was a semi-truth. After all, they weren't involved _now_ were they?

She felt dirty and humiliated to be confronted by Corinne; it was almost as if Corinne had confronted _her_. Was she Jack's first conquest since their night together? How long, how many women? She had been unable to get him out of her thoughts for months, and it turned out he'd been screwing around, same as always.

Frank looked at her suspiciously. "Things have been strained between the two of you since the holdup, and nothing happened?" he asked. Gabrielle nodded, knowing just how stupid that sounded. But she couldn't bring herself to admit that in a moment of weakness, she had slept with him, only to call it off for her own good – and have her suspicions confirmed by his sleeping around again.

Frank sighed. Gabrielle was the most level-headed and less screwed up of the three of them, and if he couldn't get an answer out of her – "Fine, go," he said resignedly. "And try to reign Steve in. If he and Jack keep coming to blows, it's Steve I'll get rid of." Between the two of them, Steve seemed to do the majority of the provoking and besides, Jack was a surgical registrar and willing to cover the night shift, that made him more valuable than Steve.

Chastened, Gabrielle left the office she shared with Frank and Zoe, feeling right now that it was much more Frank's office than hers. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack quietly attending to a patient, determined to avoid his colleagues as much as possible. The experience was humiliating and he wanted to go home, but Frank wouldn't let him.

She marched up to him. "_This_ is why I didn't want to get involved with you," she hissed. "You can't keep it in your pants. If you were a woman, everyone would be calling you a whore." And she marched off.

Jack was even more humiliated. Being embarrassed in front of his colleagues was nothing compared to having her say this was why she wouldn't get involved with him and that he was a whore. She had no idea what he'd been feeling in the last two months – and she of all people should have understood the comfort he sought in women.

She didn't care, he realised. She was happy with Steve, and no doubt Steve had poisoned her against him.

That she didn't care cut straight to his heart as effectively as if she driven a knife through it.

* * *

"What the hell is the matter with you? Ever since the holdup you've been out most nights. And you're not with Rebecca, I already asked her."

Jack flared at Dan's impunity. "You've got no right to invade my privacy like that!"

"Well, you don't talk to me when I ask what's going on with you. You just go out and solve your problems with random sex. You haven't changed."

Jack glared at Dan. The last thing he needed was a lecture about sex and relationships from someone who'd been lucky to fall for his best friend – _Jack's_ best friend, or at least the closest he had to a best friend, had cut him off the morning after.

God, he wanted something like what Dan and Ricki had with Gabrielle. Seeing them together hadn't been easy for him – it never had, he was so envious, but after his night with Gabrielle, it had gotten downright agonising – which was what drove him to spend so much time outside the house. Dan had no right to criticize him when he was so goddamn happy. Jack would _kill_ for that kind of happiness. "You want me to move out?" Jack asked. "Because that's what I'll do, just to get you off my back."

"Jack, I don't want you to go. I want you to get your shit together. You're miserable."

"You don't know me, Dan," Jack through gritted teeth. "Look, just leave me alone OK. If the way I live my life is bugging you, I'll leave, but get off my case about living it."

Later, Dan told Ricki what had happened between Jack and Gabrielle, and how he'd been on a binge of random hook-ups ever since. "He's being a complete jerk about it," Dan complained. "He asked Zoe to switch him to nights so he could avoid her. I can't believe he'd be so reckless – Gabrielle, of all people."

Ricki bit her lip, processing the information. "She couldn't have backed off because of what you said?" she asked.

"No way. Trust me, I know Jack. He used to do this all the time."

* * *

"What did you tell him?" Steve asked sullenly at home that night.

"Nothing," Gabrielle said. "Don't be so sensitive. People can do maths. You're ten years older that me and it's no secret we were together ages ago." Inwardly, she was seething at Jack. His crack about Corinne being so more younger than him than Gabrielle was to Steve may have been true, but Jack was developing a good knack for pushing Steve's buttons right back. "Look, if you don't stop provoking Jack, if Frank has to choose between the two of you, he'll choose Jack. He's more reliable with surgical experience."

That, of course, only made Steve more sullen. "He's been sniffing around you for as long as I've been here. I bet he's only done it to annoy me."

Gabrielle wanted to smack him. She loved Steve, she always would, but sometimes he could be such a child, thinking only of how things affected him and assuming people did things only to annoy him – as if people had nothing better to do with their time than make life difficult for Steve. "He has not, he's just a good friend."

"You guys haven't been good friends since the holdup," Steve pointed out. "Why are you still siding with him?"

"I'm not siding with him. I'm just telling you if you don't stop provoking him, Frank will get rid of you. Please, Steve. Frank's given you a second chance already. Don't blow it because Jack gets on your nerves."

Steve spent another few hours with Gabrielle, then left, realising she was off in another place. Gabrielle was glad to see him go. She'd been feeling sick for days and had been trying to hide it from her colleagues, because she knew exactly what was wrong.

She was pregnant.


	3. Chapter 3

Morning sickness was getting the better of Gabrielle, and she was finding it increasingly difficult to hide – especially in front of Jack who, she knew, would pick it up immediately. He was brilliant, and it didn't take brilliance to count dates.

She was miserable. Jack went to increasing lengths to avoid her and Steve was pushing for a relationship. God, why couldn't it be the other way around? She didn't regret not dating Jack, his behaviour in the last two months had proved he was incapable of monogamy, but it would have been so much easier if he was acting more courteous and friendly like Steve was.

She didn't know what to do. Her family background was too Catholic for her to consider an abortion, and she knew she wouldn't be able to give her baby up for adoption – not that Jack would let her, she didn't doubt he was telling the truth when he'd talked about how much he wanted a baby. And the second Jack found out she was pregnant –

She couldn't believe the odds. Jack's little escapade with Charlotte had made his virility an ongoing joke, but... She was well aware how lucky she was. She'd gone to a dozen doctors, her ending up in Sydney had been motivated by a determination to find someone to prove all those other doctors were not right. After all, a highly-regarded doctor in the country's biggest city was more likely to know what he was talking about than a country quack, right? But they had all said the same thing. Her chances of conceiving were slim to none.

But now... her GP had been so happy for her, and couldn't understand Gabrielle's lack of happiness. Something she had longed for, had thought was out of her reach, had happened to her... and in the worst possible of circumstances. She was single. The father avoided her at all costs. But hey, at least she enjoyed a reasonable amount of financial stability. Things could be worse.

She didn't see how.

After a few weeks, Steve noticed the cold that had been lingering had been lingering too long. "Anything wrong, Gabs?" he asked. She hadn't been well for several weeks, and Gabrielle had the most robust health...

For some reason, she threw herself into his arms. He held her for a few minutes. He definitely was not used to these displays of emotion from her. She had always been the most solid of the two of them. He took it as his opportunity to prove he could be the man she needed. "It's OK," he said. "I'm here. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll make it better."

It was what she needed to hear, but not from the man she needed to hear it from. Still... Jack wanted nothing to do with her and Steve was proving his ability to be there for her.... "I'm pregnant," she admitted.

Needless to say, Steve was shocked. He knew Gabrielle couldn't have children – or at least, thought he knew. He'd caused the crash, had been to see doctor after doctor... had descended into alcohol when the result came back the same: it's unlikely you will never again conceive.

And yet here she was, pregnant. And, knife twisting in heart, he knew exactly who's baby it was.

"It's Quade's, isn't it?" Steve demanded. Gabrielle nodded, her head moving up and down the front of his shirt. "I'll kill him. This time he's gone too far. Bad enough to be sniffing around you for months but to force himself on you..."

Gabrielle pulled away. She stared at Steve. Did he really believe Jack was capable of that kind of force? But then, Steve didn't know Jack. Gabrielle remembered holding Jack as he'd cried in his arms, as he'd talked about his rotten childhood, being abused by everyone who was meant to care about him, taking satisfaction is using women and knowing exactly how to please them to prove his doubts about his sexuality...

Jack had his issues, and there were many. But he had never forced himself on a woman. Gabrielle knew that as instinctively as she knew the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The night they had shared together... they had wanted each other equally badly, had agreed to terms of forgetting about it tomorrow... she couldn't now turn around and say he had forced himself on her now that things had turned to shit.

"He didn't rape me," Gabrielle said softly.

"Pardon?"

"You know exactly what I said," she said. "Jack. Didn't. Rape. Me. He didn't have to. It was after the holdup and I went over there wanting some company – you were busy with your sponsor, remember? We got to talking and one thing led to another... we agreed we wouldn't hold each other to anything in the morning and I left before we woke up..." Gabrielle left out the humiliation of being confronted by Dan, then having Rachel come to you for guidance...

"But something happened in the meantime that you can't tell him." Steve was insightful enough to pick up on that. Gabrielle admitted that Jack had been cool towards her since their night together – unable to admit that her subordinate had called her a stupid slut, unable to admit she had pushed Jack away when he'd come eager for a date. She had pushed him away. With sudden clarity, she saw that Jack could very well have been genuine about wanting to get involved with her – and she had pushed him away because she'd taken Dan's words as the gospel truth.

Goddamnit, why hadn't she thought to talk to Jack before she pushed him away? No way would he be interested in talking to her now. He had made it clear he had moved on. Oh, Jack, why couldn't I have been honest with you? Now that she had his baby inside her, she knew how she felt about him – how he'd made her feel that night together. He had shown her more respect and tenderness than anyone – namely Steve – and she had fallen for him because of it. She tried to tell himself that was just what Jack did, he seduced women by making them feel good about themselves, but that didn't take away from how she felt about him.

She was in love with a man who's child she was carrying, and she had pushed him away.

Gabrielle was miserable, but Steve was ecstatic. To him, it was the ultimate move. In one stroke it had been established what a lousy human being Jack was – and how good Steve would look stepping up to the plate. He hugged her tightly. "Leave it a few weeks," he suggested. "Fudge the dates. If Jack asks you about it, say we got back together and you know for certain that it's mine."

Gabrielle looked up at him, eyes bewildered. "But I know for certain it's his," she said.

"He doesn't need to know that. He'll probably be glad to be relieved of responsibility. Just... make him think it's mine. It won't be that hard. Women know these things, don't they?"

He was closer to forty than he was thirty and he still didn't understand these things. For a moment, Gabrielle resented him, then she realised he was offering her a way out. "You could live with that?" she asked. "You could live with raising another man's child?"

"Of course," he said, even though he didn't know if that was the truth or not. He'd find out eventually, and he wanted Gabrielle back badly enough that he thought he could overlook a few things, right here, right now.

"I'm not sure I could do that to him," she admitted. "He took Charlotte's miscarriage so badly, he really wants a child." Gabrielle wasn't sure how she could live with herself, knowing that, knowing of his paternity or not, Jack wanted a child badly and had one and didn't know it... she knew if she were a man and the thing she longed for, a child, was denied because of the mother, she wouldn't like it that much.

"Quade's what, twenty?" Steve asked contemptuously. It always riled him that Jack was a fair bit younger than him yet had two registrar positions – surgical and emergency – under his belt. Of course, he lacked appreciation into Jack's personal life to understand what had driven his ambition, but still, it riled him that even though they had the same credentials – well, they were both emergency registrars, weren't they? – Jack was considered senior to him.

Well, not as far as Gabrielle was concerned. Steve had known her since she was ten, that gave him a hell of a lot more right into her life than he did. "He can have other children, he's proven that," he said in the same contemptuous voice. "He'll probably be relieved to save his parenthood for someone he really cares about... someone he'll end up marrying. What is fostering fatherhood on him going to achieve?"

Gabrielle knew he was right. And she knew Steve's arms felt so good right now – so understanding, so welcoming. She knew she was confused, but she also knew having Steve hold her after the effort Jack had gone to ignoring her the last two and a half months made her feel a hell of a lot better. And Steve had a point. Jack could have other children, but this was likely the only one she'd ever have. Didn't that give her more rights over him?

In her heart, she knew that wasn't true. In her heart, she kept seeing Jack watching young families, wanting one of his own... Steve had never wanted a family. Steve only wanted her and her child now because it was a way of getting her back.

But Steve had treated her better than Jack had. At least in the past two and a half months.

"OK," she agreed.

Steve, needless to say, was delighted. "You won't regret this," he said. He kissed her deeply. Gabrielle tried desperately to return the kiss, let alone enjoy it, but she had to admit, there was nothing there. Maybe it was her confusion. Maybe it was her hormones. But she didn't feel anything for Steve right now.

"I'm sorry, I need time," she admitted when she pulled away – quite abruptly. She couldn't admit – to herself, let alone Steve – that Steve's kisses left her cold after Jack's. She knew a larger part of that was that Jack had great experience in turning women on whereas Steve... but still, Steve's kisses left her cold.

"I'll give you all the time you need," Steve said, secure in the fact he had finally won over Jack Quade.

* * *

Her name was Ashley, and as she was seventeen. Jack had made sure of that, he'd run her licence through an internet site which dealt with those kinds of things, just to make sure.

Ashley had pretended offence. But Ashley was seventeen and hooked on the idea of catching herself a surgeon for a boyfriend. She had an olive complexion and long, straight dark hair – the complete opposite of Gabrielle. She was good-looking and knew it, and was bored with the never-ending stream of teenage boys that begged for her attention – she wanted a man who would appreciate her for the sophisticated being that she was, a man who knew what he was doing. She was so sick of the awkward fumblings.

They had met at the marina near where he and Dan lived. Ironically, he'd taken his laptop there so he could work in peace – seeing Dan and Ricki around all the time was increasingly getting on his nerves. What, it wasn't enough that they were disgustingly happy, they had to make everyone around them disgusted, too?

So... Her name was Ashley, and she was seventeen. She'd just got her licence – the oldest of all her friends, a newly turned seventeen, a newly qualified p-plater – and had been driving around her closest friends when she'd caught Jack's eye. She was developed for her age, pretty and flirtatious to boot. He'd told her once she was done with her friends, if he was still around, she might be willing to give him a lift back to his place...

She was seventeen and eager to please. She'd been with two boys her own age, neither of which appealed to her. What appealed to her was an older man, although decent older men were hard to come by. She'd heard the marina was a good place to hang out because it was located between two major hospitals, a big law firm, so attracted a lot of doctors and lawyers. Since she couldn't go to Cougars – another place that attracted a lot of professionals – she decided to go there.

She thought she'd hit the jackpot first time when she started talking to Jack. He was intelligent and funny, and had the best smile. He was in his late twenties. That was the perfect age, as far as Ashley was concerned. She'd immediately accepted, although she was a little disappointed to discover he shared a fairly unimposing house with a colleague. "I don't feel the need for anything flash," Jack said. "I have a place in Bondi which my mother left me but which I rent out, I may as well save money until I have good reason to want to live there."

Hmm, good reason – like a steady girlfriend? And no mother, too. She wondered where his dad was but decided it was too early to ask those kinds of things.

Jack was deserving of every thought she'd had of him in the short time she'd known him. He was strong and good looking and sexy as hell... and a great kisser. The boys – the emphasis being on boys she'd been with in the past were such lousy kissers. She responded easily to Jack's embraces, and didn't protest when he swung her easily into his arms and carried her to his room. He was moving a little too fast for her liking, but then, this wasn't an immature boy, this was a man who knew what he was doing...

She surrendered to Jack's touch. "You're so good at this," she murmured appreciatively.

There was an awkwardness to the way she kissed and touched him that old of her age. But Gabrielle had been kind of awkward too, hadn't she? That meant it wasn't about age, it was about there being a lot of selfish, inept men out there...

OK, Steve had far less excuse to be selfish and inept than some horny teenage boy did. Did that make him like Steve, preying on Gabrielle?

No, he decided. For starters, Ashley wasn't a virgin – or if she was, she'd lied to him, and that wasn't his issue. Secondly, she had come onto him. That negated his responsibility for her welfare, didn't it? It wasn't like he was out trawling coffee shops for underage girls. And she wasn't even underage. Seventeen was perfectly legal.

He knew what he was doing was unethical. He didn't know Ashley, but could be pretty sure she lacked the maturity to accept a one-off sexual encounter with good grace. He knew it didn't matter what he said or did – or didn't say or do – part of her was thinking boyfriend.

Well, so what? He wasn't forcing her to do anything and if she took his words and actions and twisted them into something else – again, that was her issue, not his. His issue was that he wanted to get laid. She was attractive, she'd come onto him strong, she was legal. Where exactly was the lack of ethics in that?

He tried hard to block Gabrielle from his mind as he went through the motions of seducing Ashley – not that she needed much seducing. She was a teenage girl craving excitement and was willing to go along with everything Jack wanted.

He obligingly went down on her until he brought her to her first orgasm. No hardship there, but he took little pleasure out of it. He was getting less and less pleasure out of sex, out of women... no-one could distract him from Gabrielle for long.

He was having difficulty staying hard inside her; staying aroused had never been such a hard job. It didn't help that Ashley said what she thought he wanted to hear as he pumped her hard. After all, didn't all guys like nonstop commentary about how great they were, how big they were, how they were the best ever? Which was true in this case – Ashley didn't have to lie (as she had before) as Jack mechanically brought her to orgasm.

He hated the vulgar talk. Not just with Ashley, he hated it in general, it always made him think of Patrick. Did teenage boys really get off on it? Did anyone really get off on it? "Oooh, Jack, you're sooo big, you make me feel sooo good. Baby, baby, ooh, I love you."

Jack stopped dead in his tracks. He could feel himself losing his erection and he fought the scissor hold Ashley had him in – her legs around his waist – so he could pull out before the condom slipped off. "What did you just say?" he asked.

She looked at him beguilingly. "Don't take it so seriously, Jack. I didn't mean it."

She was more immature than he'd first thought. Only a child would have thought saying 'I love you' to someone they'd just met in the throes of passion was sophisticated. He thought of how deeply he felt for Gabrielle and it only made Ashley seem vapid and shallow by comparison. He didn't want some silly, eager-to-please seventeen-year-old. He wanted Gabrielle. "You don't know me, that's creepy," he said. Suddenly Ashley wasn't looking all that attractive. Sure, she was pretty, but her complete lack of maturity was making that a very hollow characteristic.

Ashley pouted. "Don't be so uptight," he said. "You were having a good time, weren't you?"

She reached out to him, and he backed away, nearly falling off the bed. This was a new low for him, being disgusted with himself before he'd even finished. "We're finished here," he said, dressing quickly. "I want you to leave."

"You haven't come yet."

"And I'm not going to. Get dressed and get out." Jack crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her pointedly, careful not to let his eyes wander below her face.

Ashley glared back at Jack. Christ, she'd really misjudged this one. "Prick," she shot hatefully, getting dressed and leaving. "But you're a fag, probably struggle to get it up."

Jack resisted the urge to smack her. It wasn't her fault she was immature and had hit on a nerve. He saw her out and locked the door after her. Then he went to the bar and poured himself a hefty scotch. No ice, that would just slow down his attempts to numb the pain.

He couldn't have Gabrielle. He couldn't maintain interest in anyone else. He'd just take a vapid seventeen-year-old to bed in an attempt to annihilate his feelings for her.

Disgust washed over him. He was pathetic, out seducing girls who were barely legal. He knew what Gabrielle would think of that. Maybe he really was no better than Steve. Maybe she had known that when she'd refused to date him. Maybe she'd regretted their night together as soon as it was over because she'd made herself another conquest – another Rachel, Mercedes, Bridget, Corinne. Maybe she was better off with the devil she knew.

He started to cry. He didn't know what was wrong with him, only that he couldn't get anything right. Gabrielle was probably with Steve right now, maybe they were in bed together and he... was...so.... alone.

By the time Dan came home, Jack was drunk and curled up on the couch, crying. Dan was getting fed up with Jack's destructive behaviour, but even he knew when something had gone terribly wrong... "What happened?" he asked.

"I try so hard to forget her," Jack blathered. "I date other women and I sleep with them but I keep thinking about her, I can't get her out of my head and I hate it."

"Who?"

"Ashley – she's only seventeen. She came onto me and all that but I... just didn't care how old she was, I just wanted to feel good about myself for a little while, wanted to forget her. It's not fair, Dan. She's not interested in me but I can't stop thinking about her... and them together."

Dan got a sinking feeling that he knew what Jack was talking about. It was obvious how pally Steve and Gabrielle were these days. But... Gabrielle meant nothing to Jack. If she did, he would have done something by now. Gabrielle was just another conquest. "Who, Jack?" Dan pushed. He tried not to feel disgust over Ashley's age. Jack wouldn't do such a thing unless he was deeply distressed.

Jack looked at Dan through teary eyes. "Leave me alone," he said suddenly. "You wouldn't get it."

"I'm trying to get it, Jack. You know I want you to be happy. Were you seeing someone?"

"No."

"I don't understand why you're so upset," Dan admitted. "What, was it just a fling? A one-nighter?" He'd been doing a lot of both lately.

Jack hugged himself and stared at some point on the wall for a few seconds, collecting his thoughts. He was already a wreck, already done plenty of things to incur Dan's disgust – may as well admit everything. "I slept with Gabby," he admitted.

Even though Dan already knew, it grated to hear. Dan still couldn't believe how stupid Jack had been on going to bed with her. Of all the women in Sydney, why did he have to go after a colleague, his housemates boss? "I'm sorry?" he asked dumbly.

"Gabby. Gabrielle. Your boss," Jack said. "Look, I know it seems like it was a stupid thing but... she came over that night after the holdup 'cos she wanted some company and we started talking. She was so easy to talk to and when I let it slip about Patrick – she knows who Karen is," Jack explained when the look on Dan's face clearly said how exactly does one let it slip that they were sexually abused over several years " – and she took it so well... she just got it. Dan, I've always been terrified that if a woman knew that about me she wouldn't be able to look at me the same way."

"Mate, you know that's not true." Dan couldn't find it in himself to be disgusted with Jack anymore. He couldn't comprehend how crippling an affect Patrick's abuse had on Jack's sexual confidence – as creepy as it was to know how many women Jack used, Dan couldn't think less of him for very long.

Jack couldn't hold it against Dan that he just didn't get it. He was trying, which was more than could be said for most. "Well, it always feels that way. But she got it and she made me feel good about myself. We talked a lot about our lives and she really opened up to me... we both needed a release and we agreed beforehand not to hold each other to anything in the morning... " Jack closed his eyes and remembered the night they'd spent together. "It was unbelievable. It was the greatest sex ever. Sorry," he said when he saw Dan making a face.

"I'm beginning to understand now how you felt about me and Bianca," Dan admitted. Hearing someone describe sex with your boss was not his idea of a good time.

"She made me feel... so alive. It was... God, I'm at a complete loss for words here. I've never felt so good about myself with anyone. I didn't feel like I had to prove myself, not like I have with other women, like she knew who I was, every ugly thing about me, and she liked me anyway. And she liked me 'cos she saw me as a good person, not some would-be surgeon boyfriend. We agreed not to make anything of it in the morning, but being with her like that, I thought we had something really special, more special than just a night. We were even talking about a first date and I thought... I just thought she wanted more than one night." Jack screwed up his face as he started to cry again. "And when I spoke to her the next afternoon, she said there was no way she could get involved with me. Just completely dismissed the idea. How could she be so cold that she could lie in my arms and talk about a relationship then a few hours later say it was just about sex? How can she throw her relationship with Steve in my face like that? I hate seeing them together, it's like a knife in my heart every time. I know I probably deserved it for the way I've treated women in the past but... God, Dan, I fell for her and I can't switch my feelings off. God knows I've tried."

Dan was silent for a few seconds. He'd never heard Jack talk about a woman like this. Usually he was so closed off about them, occasionally expressing remorse for his actions – or clamming up when Dan tried to confront him. But this was something else entirely. He'd found the connection he'd been craving. He'd actually opened up enough to fall for someone.

And Dan had inadvertently caused her to back off. Ricki had been right; Gabrielle had backed off because Dan had planted the idea in her head that she was just another conquest and she should get out before her reputation was ruined and her heart broken. So she had broken his heart when he had fallen for her. "Oh, God," he said, guilt flooding him. "This is my fault."

Jack scrambled into a sitting position and looked at Dan with suspicion – and anger. "What did you do?" he asked. Dan squirmed. "Dan..." he growled, clenching his fists, and for the time since Jack had moved in, Dan realised just what kind of strength Jack had to him – and just what kind of anger. He knew, as did everyone else who had witnessed his volatile relationship with the nurse, that Jack and Nelson routinely locked horns over the women Jack was seeing, but Dan had never had that anger directed towards him. He already knew Jack was perfectly capable, physically and mentally, of decking a man he felt had come between him and the woman he cared about, but knowing was a lot different to seeing the muscles in his arms straining in anger.

"Look, I didn't know how you felt about her, OK? I saw her coming out of your room in the morning and thought she was just your latest conquest. You don't have the greatest reputation when it comes to women," you know, trying to palm off responsibility onto Jack. After all, Dan would have been a lot more receptive to the idea if he hadn't personally witnessed Jack go through women like Kleenex, refusing to have anything to do with any of them the next day.

"And..." Jack prompted, his grown sounding even more menacing.

"And... I said a few things that I shouldn't have. I think a lot of her, OK, and I was disappointed to realise she'd been stupid and become your latest conquest."

"You said that to her?" Jack asked, his voice cold.

"Yeah," Dan admitted. No way was he admitting to calling her a stupid slut and the bit about the blow job. Jack might just break one of his bones – at least if he heard it from Gabrielle, Dan wouldn't be around to cop the brunt his anger. "Mate, I'm really sorry, but you must admit, it looked pretty bad. You haven't exactly been a model citizen when it comes to the way you treat women after you've slept with them."

"What, you don't credit me with just enough ethics to realise taking her to bed just 'cos I was lonely was a stupid idea? God, Dan, I really liked her, I haven't felt like this about anyone since..." his mind drifted back. He couldn't remember. He'd been in love before, of course, but not like how he felt about Gabrielle. He'd never felt like real, so alive, so accepted for who he was, so not needing to prove himself... "I thought I loved Terri but I never felt this way about her."

"Whoa." That was monumental. Everyone knew Jack had been absolutely crazy about Terri, had wanted to marry her and adopt Lucy, had taken her departure really hard. For him to be saying Gabrielle meant more to him than Terri... "My God, I'm so sorry. I had no idea," Dan said, feeling so helpless. He could kick himself. He should have known Jack wouldn't screw up like that. Rachel had caused him enough headaches, no way would he had done something like that with Gabrielle without firmly establishing the ground rules. He should have credited Gabrielle with more intelligence than to just jump into bed with him without understanding the situation.

And Jack had fallen for her and been crushed when she'd rejected him... crushed enough that he'd reverted to the only way he knew to numb the pain, sleeping around. If Dan had just kept his damn mouth shut...

Jack glared at Dan. "You idiot," he hissed. Dan scrambled out of arm's reach, just in case Jack's anger got the better of him. "She probably thinks I've been avoiding her 'cos I didn't respect her. Shit." Jack slumped back in the couch, replaying every small interaction between him and Gabrielle in the last two and a half months. He'd thought she was avoiding him because she was embarrassed to be seen with him when she thought he didn't respect her. And she must have thought he'd asked to go on nights to avoid her because he didn't respect her, must've been thinking that he was avoiding her because he didn't respect her when he couldn't stand to be around her... couldn't meet her eyes because he wanted to kiss her so badly.

He jumped up. He had to go clear things off with her right away. "I'm going over there," he said thickly, barely able to stand up straight. He'd drunk over half a bottle of vodka.

"You're drunk, no way are you driving."

"Fine. You drive me. You fucked things up for me, it's the least you owe me."

Dan knew better that to argue that. Jack was drunk and foul over realising Dan was the reason Gabrielle had been so cold to him. "Mate, you're drunk," he said. "You don't want to go over there while you're drunk. You know how she feels about it after Steve."

Jack sat back down. His head was starting to swim. "OK," he agreed. "But you're coming with me. You're going to grovel if I need you to."

He really knew how to milk it, didn't he? "Fine," he agreed reluctantly. "Drink a few glasses of water, take some neurofen and go to bed. Sleep this off before you do something you'll regret."

"OK. " The realisation that Gabrielle had cooled towards him over a misunderstanding had turned Jack from a surly wreck into an easygoing, obedient man. He was even smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

"Floor it, Dan. Turtles go faster than you."

"You're the one who insisted I come with you." Dan couldn't believe Jack was serious about wanting him along to explain the situation and grovel. It must mean he really felt strongly about her, but it was a bit embarrassing for Dan. Gabrielle was his _boss_, for Christ's sakes. He wished he could completely forget this whole situation.

Jack had been straining at the bit all morning to go over to Gabrielle's. He was like a child on Christmas morning wanting to open the presents; Dan had to explain several times that Gabrielle would not appreciate being woken so early. It was kind of sweet that Jack was so eager.

"Stay here," Jack directed Dan when they got to Gabrielle's house. "I'll call you if I need you."

"You're going to make me sit in my car while you go reconcile with you – well, whatever she is to you. What happens if you decide to have hot reconciliation sex?"

Jack grinned. Hot reconciliation sex sounded good to him. "If I'm not out in fifteen minutes you can leave without me," he said. "But don't come in and interrupt. You're the reason things are screwed up in the first place."

Dan stuck his tongue out. He was going to have to own this for a while, but it was good to see Jack smiling and joking. "And I hope you plan on spending all you time here." He wasn't that fussed on the idea of hearing _his boss_ screaming in ecstasy in the next room. Or... what if they decided to do it on the couch or something? That was icky.

Jack knocked on the door. After a few seconds, Gabrielle answered. Needless to say, she was shocked to see him. She and Jack had barely spoken in the last two and a half months, no more than a dozen words at a time.

She wondered if he had found out about her pregnancy. But no, he couldn't have. She had been ultra-discreet about her sickness at work, and no-one but Steve knew, and Steve was the last person to go blabbing to Jack. Her instinct was to put her hand on her stomach – she wasn't big enough that Jack would notice, but he sure as hell would if she made such an obvious gesture. She kept her hands by her sides.

"Jack, can I do something for you?" she asked, and despite herself, she felt a flutter in her heart. He was so good looking, and that small smile that was playing on his lips – she hadn't seen him smile since that day she had told him she wasn't interested in dating him.

Her heart twisted painfully. She had told him she wasn't interested in dating him. How stupid had she been? It didn't matter now that she had been fair in thinking Jack had too foul a history with women and dating, when she saw him smiling at her all she could think about was how good it had felt in his arms, how Steve, despite his best efforts to turn her on, left her cold.

Jack let himself into the house, pushing his body against hers when she didn't give way. She breathed in sharply when she felt his body against her, and she could swear she felt the baby kick. She wondered if Jack felt it. She wondered again if that was why he was here. Did he just have an instinct about it?

"I want to talk to you," he said softly, still smiling at her. He was making eye contact with her, she realised distantly. He hadn't made eye contact with her in months.

God, but he wanted to kiss her. _This_ was why he hadn't been able to meet her eyes in weeks, if he had, he would have lost control and swept her up in his arms... Instead, he reached out and grabbed her hands in his. "I think there's been some miscommunication between us. I'm not very good at expressing myself sometimes. I didn't realise –"

At precisely that moment, Steve wandered into the hall, wearing nothing but a towel. He'd heard voices at the door and, recognising Jack's (he would recognise that snooty, high-and-mighty voice anywhere) had quickly come from the shower without bothering to get dressed. Jack wasn't to know he didn't live here, let alone share Gabrielle's bed, but he did often stay over and emerging from the shower would be sure to send the wrong message. He had to send a message to this twerp. Gabrielle was his girl – or at least she would be again, once she got over this infatuation she had with Jack.

He frowned when he saw Jack holding her hands. They looked pretty cosy, and Gabrielle definitely looked like she welcomed the touch. Silly girl. He had humped and dumped her, left her pregnant (Steve conveniently left out whatever details didn't suit him) and she was holding his hands like some lovesick schoolgirl. Just as silly as she had been to jump into his bed in the first place.

Jack let go of her hands and spent several seconds taking in the picture before him. Steve had clearly spent the night – it was too early for him to be showering for any other reason. His heart wrenched. They _were_ back together.

He'd been an idiot. He'd just let her go when he should have fought for her, should have made it clear he was crazy about her instead of just avoiding her like some silly schoolkid who took his bat and ball and went home at the slightest rejection. Goddamnit, what had he been thinking? He'd been a hell of a lot more persistent when it had come to Terri, when had he started just giving up like that?

When he poured his heart open to someone and they turned him down cold the next day. That hadn't been her fault but it _wasn't freaking fair_.

The sight of Steve made him sick. He wanted to fight the guy, knock him out cold. He hated Steve, hated that stupid smug expression of victory. _I win_.

Steve had won.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you guys were – I'll get out of your hair," Jack said, and existed the house with all the speed of a frightened rabbit. His heart was racing alike a rabbit's, too.

Steve and Gabrielle. Back together. The thought made him sick. For a moment, he thought he really would throw up.

"What happened?" Dan asked when Jack got back in the car, slamming the door. He didn't need to ask; the short amount of time he'd spent inside and the distressed look on his face spoke volumes.

"Just drive," Jack said, his voice close to cracking. Dan did exactly what he was told.

* * *

"What was that about?" Gabrielle asked as soon as Jack had left. She went to go after him, but he got in the car pretty quickly. It was odd that he'd conscripted Dan to come with him.

"I could ask the same about you," Steve retorted. "After what he did to you, you looked ready to take him back. You were lucky I came in when I did."

"After what he did to me? Steve, it was consensual, remember? I pushed him away. He doesn't even know about the baby." She felt guilty over that, more than she's expected to. Jack wanted a baby, more than Steve did, it didn't seem right to deny him that.

"And what do you think him knowing will achieve? He'd probably convince himself he's in love with you out of obligation to his kid. Is that what you want?"

Of course it wasn't what she wanted. "But it's not right..."

"How is he ever going to know? And shouldn't you be doing what's best for the kid? Isn't that proving it with a father who genuinely wants to be with you? Or would you rather they grow up knowing they're the result of a one-night stand who's father only gave a shit out of obligation?"

She couldn't help but recall what Jack had said about his own childhood. A one-night stand, a father who gave a shit only out of obligation – if it could be called giving a shit when it was out of obligation – which led to seeking approval from the only man who'd treated him like a real son, a man who had waited until Jack was well and truly under his control and then proceeded to spend two years sexually abusing him.

She shivered. Steve had no idea he'd hit on a nerve, of course, but he had. What kind of father would Jack make when it was only out of obligation, when his own experiences of family being obligation, not love. A nurse, she appreciated better than most that victims of abuse often went on to become abusers. She didn't think Jack had it in him, but it was hard to gauge. How would he react to knowing he was about to become a father with a woman he'd had a one-night stand with? Maybe her child _was_ better with a man who did actually want to be with her.

"No," she said dully. "It just doesn't seem right."

Steve hugged her. It bothered him, how much she clung to this idea of her and Jack – what did she expect would happen, he would overnight turn into the perfect father and husband material? It broke his heart that she was so hung up on him. "He'll never know," he said soothingly. "He'll probably be relieved when you tell him it's not his."

Gabrielle allowed Steve to hug her. "You're probably right," she said, although she didn't sound convincing. Having a child as a product of a one-night stand was hardly ideal. She knew when Jack wanted a child, he wanted it done right – love, marriage, the works. Was it fair to dump it on him or their child when Steve was so willing to fulfil that role?

Steve sensed that Gabrielle had opted to go with him on this one – at least for the time being. He tilted her head so he could kiss her. She allowed his lips to brush over hers, but when he tried to insert his tongue, she pulled away. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm not ready."

The truth was, Steve's kisses left her completely cold these days, since Jack's had set her completely on fire. There was no sexual attraction between them anymore. At best, she felt secure with him – like she would an old friend, or a brother. She could never give Steve more than that, at least not more than just lying back and taking it.

Steve wanted to growl with frustration. She was never ready. He'd been waiting for weeks now and she kept pulling away. "Fine," he said, with as much patience as he could manage. "I'll give you more time." He hugged her again, and tried not to notice the way she felt so distant in his arms, like even though physically she was there, her mind and heart were with Jack.

* * *

"Mate, you don't know for sure they're together," Dan said sympathetically. Jack was beyond crying now. For the last hour he'd just sat on the couch in shock. Seeing them together – even if he hadn't actually _seen_ them together, just Steve coming out of the shower, but still that was plenty of proof...

"If she wants to be with him, I should respect that," Jack said in a strained voice.

Dan had to laugh. "I remember when you doggedly pursued Terri even though she told you to back off _how_ many times? And you said yourself she didn't mean as much to you as Gabrielle does."

Jack laughed hollowly. "God, I made such an ass of myself," he said. "I certainly have a knack for falling for women carrying flames for their exes, don't I?"

"Jack, don't be like this. Did she say they were back together? Did you give her a chance to say anything before you ran out of the house?"

"She didn't _have_ to say anything, I have eyes. When was the last time you had someone over that early in the morning that you weren't sleeping with? When was the last time you let someone use your shower when you weren't sleeping with them?"

Dan had to admit Jack had a point. And Gabrielle and Steve had a long history – this was, what, the second or third time they'd reconciled? But still... "I think you should talk to her. At least find out what happened. Get some closure. If she means that much to you, it's the least you owe yourself."

"It doesn't matter anymore and I'm not going to make an ass of myself for – _closure_." What was closure, anyway, but someone people needed when they refused to get over something? It had been like that with him and Terri and damned if he was going through that again. "Please just drop it, Dan."

"I feel awful about it," he admitted.

Jack shrugged. "She chose to take what you said that personally rather than believing what I had said. She chose to get back with him. I could have communicated better. Instead I just went to nights so I could avoid her rather than just telling her how I felt. I chose to sleep around so indiscreetly that it became an issue at work. We both made our choices and these are the consequences."

He sounded so sad, so defeated. That scared Dan more than the drinking and womanising. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked.

"No, but thanks anyway."

"How are you going to deal with her at work?" Dan asked.

_Work_. It had only just occurred to Jack. The last two and a half months had been hell and he knew he couldn't keep seeing her, even when he was on nights and she was on days. It hurt too much, just that hour or so when their shifts overlapped, when Steve would put his arms around her and threw Jack that smug, possessive smile. "I can't keep working with her," Jack admitted. "I hate seeing her and Steve together. It's like a knife in my heart everytime I see them. I can't think of another option other than quitting."

* * *

Two days later, Jack was at Zoe's desk, doing some of her paperwork for her. He was good with admin stuff which Zoe loved him for – she was sorry to see him going.

The news of Jack's imminent departure had, naturally, spread like wildfire. Of course, since Jack had a history of quitting and returning, no-one was absolutely sure what was going on, although Dan seemed pretty convinced Jack was leaving for real this time.

Frank had guessed at the truth. "Does this have something to do with you and Gabrielle?" he'd asked.

Jack had crossed his arms over his chest and looked stubborn. "That's none of your business, Frank. I just decided there's more opportunity for me elsewhere." Which meant it _was_ about Gabrielle.

"I'll be sorry to see you go," Frank had said. What else _could_ he say? He couldn't fire Steve on a hunch, although if he had to choose, he would have chosen Jack. But Jack was determined to go. Poor guy. He'd never had much luck with women.

When Gabrielle had heard, she'd been shocked. She hadn't truly made up her mind about not telling Jack about the baby being best for everyone involved, and now he was leaving. As hard as it was to see Jack around, she couldn't imagine him not being around.

She found him doing rosters. He avoided her as much as he could when they were on shift together, but she was determined to have it out with him. "I hear you're leaving us," she said.

"Yep," he said without looking up. He had gotten this far, he had only a few more days to go and then he'd never have to see her again. No sense in ruining things now by looking up at her and feeling the urge to take her in his arms...

"May I ask why? I thought you were happy here."

"I was, but I'm bored now. This place doesn't do it for me anymore."

"Is it to do with Steve? Because you just need to talk to Frank and he'll get him off your back. He'd rather have you than him."

"It's not about Steve, Gabby."

"Then what is it? Why did you come to my house the other day?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Humour me. You'll be gone soon so what does it matter?"

"What does it matter to you?" he countered.

"Jack, please..."

There was a note in her voice that finally made Jack look up. She sounded desperate and sad and in need of closure. And her eyes... God, she had the most beautiful eyes. He remembered looking into them as he made love to her, feeling like he could just get lost in her eyes... "I came over because Dan told me what he said to you, after the night we spent together." He saw her go red with humiliation at the memory. "Gabs, he had no right to say that to you. You're his boss and you were my guest. He wouldn't have said it to anyone else. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, I was going to tell you your housemate called me a stupid slut?" Gabrielle snapped, feeling flushed and awkward around Jack.

She didn't see Jack clench his fists under the desk. "He said what?" he asked. Gabrielle went to repeat herself, but Jack cut her off. "No, I heard you. I just can't believe those were his words. He told me he'd had a go at you but not... _stupid slut. _That's why I went over, I wanted to clear things up with you. Everything was so perfect between us and you were so cold to me the next day and I thought maybe if I told you I'd never thought of you as my – my _conquest_ you might – you might – but as I said, it doesn't matter anymore."

Gabrielle was floored. "I don't understand, Jack. You've been avoiding me, you won't look me in the eye, all those women..."

"I've been avoiding you because it was a knife in the heart everytime I saw you. I want to deck Steve whenever I see him touch you. I know those women weren't a good idea but I already told you, I use sex as a coping mechanism... I know it's no excuse but I was trying to forget you and it was the only way I knew how... and it didn't even work. I can't get you out of my fucking head. The night we spent together, I've never felt like that, accepted for who I was and not needing to prove myself. I fell in love with you and I'm still in love with you. I've done some lousy things in the past when it comes to women so maybe this is karmic retribution, not being able to be with you now that I've actually found someone I want to be with, but I can't stand being around you and not being with you. Be with Steve if he makes you happy but I can't be happy for you."

For a second, Gabrielle just stared at Jack. She'd had it all wrong. She'd thought he didn't respect her, thought he was avoiding her... when he was in love with her and it broke his heart everytime he saw her. "Oh, Jack," she said, and threw herself into his arms. "Steve and I aren't together. He wants to get back with me, but I don't feel anything for him. I couldn't stop thinking about you but I thought you'd come to your senses and realise I was nothing but a one-night stand. Then Rachel came over that morning, she'd gone to your place and seen my car and wanted to know who you were with and I felt so guilty and Steve was there to be my mate and..." she started crying in his arms.

Jack was stunned. Bloody Steve. He should have known the older doctor was behind this. "Why would Rachel come over?" he asked.

"She still has a crush on you. I can't say I blame her, you can be really sweet... and a great lay. But I felt so guilty and on top of what Dan said..."

Jack cupped her chin and forced her head up so she was looking at him. "You've got such beautiful eyes," he said huskily. "When we were making love I remember thinking I could just lose myself in them."

"Jack..." she parted her lips and stared at him, willing him to kiss her.

He'd intended to kiss her gently but nearly three months of longing made that impossible. He smashed his mouth against hers and kissed her hard. He had one arm around her back and one hand on the back of her head so as he was pushing himself onto her, he was pushing her against him. She kissed him back eagerly, hungry for his touch.

They were immediately locked in a world of their own; everything else fell away and all they could think about was kissing and touching each other, wrapping themselves up in each other...

"Jack," Gabrielle gasped. "I have to tell you something."

"Mmmm... shoot," he mumbled between kisses. God, she tasted so good. He was only dimly aware that they were in the office as he worked his mouth down her neck and his hands over her body.

"Jack..." God, he felt so good. His kisses were making her dizzy. She shivered as he undid the top button of her blouse, barely caring that he was doing it in her office, or that anyone could walk in to see his other hand on her ass. She wanted him to take her home and do things to her, but first... "Jack, I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

He pulled away from her. Confusion was written all over his face. "You said you couldn't..."

"I said it wasn't likely I'd ever conceive again," she corrected.

"And... it's mine?" he clarified.

Suddenly, her world came crashing down on her. How could Jack ask such a thing? She reached out to strike him. Jack caught her mid-blow. "Easy, tiger," he said softly. He looked into her eyes and realised how hurt she was that he'd even asked. "I could have worded that better. We spend one night together, for the last three months Steve's been by your side constantly. Do I not have a right to clarify? Baby, don't cry," he said, horrified when he saw tears well in her eyes. "You know I want this more than anything."

"Jack, I'm not crying because you questioned me. I cry at the stupidest things. I'm just hormonal."

"This mean you're going to cry everytime you burn my dinner?" he asked with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, you!" Gabrielle reached out to strike his cheek in play, but he caught her before she managed it. He drew her in for a kiss.

"I'm going to be a dad," he whispered excitedly. "Wow." Suddenly he pulled away and lifted her, spinning her around. "I'm going to be a dad!" he yelled, and she squealed in shared delight.

"Jack, pipe down," she said finally, although she wanted to yell too. "I'm not ready to make it public knowledge. "

"Sorry," he said, and put her down before kissing her again. "I'm so happy."

"Me, too."

At that moment, Frank came in to see the embracing couple. He'd had his suspicions that something had happened between the two of them after the bomb blast, but neither had shared the details. Whatever had happened, it was clear they had gotten over it. "This mean you're staying?" he asked gruffly, and Jack nodded, his eyes shining from some unexpressed joy. "Good," he said, leaving the two lovebirds to it.


End file.
